I’m broken. Feels like life keeps handing me blows. It feels like things will only get worse before they get better. My situation feels desperate for a resolve, without one in sight. I can feel myself spiralling into an uncontrollable depression with nothing to stop me. I’m broken.
So I thought you were the one, so I thought we would be married one day, and so you broke my heart. Then why is it so difficult for me to accept? Why does the love I feel for you want to fight to help us overcome when the mind I trust to instinctively tells me otherwise? It highly annoys me to find myself here again, heart broken in my twenties when I so thought I had figured it all out, I had finally got it together, but thats the thing about certainty, can it ever really be true? At 22, I always imagined I would have this big group of friends, boys and girls alike, figuring this life thing out together, living it like it was a party all year round, my steady boyfriend by my side, I would be doing well at varsity but never taking it too seriously because after all, I am in my twenties, I would be living. Instead here I am, just moved into a bachelor flat in desperate need of fixing, all alone, no friends who truly understand me in near sight, just broken up with a boy (man would be an overstatement) I love, only because its what I felt I ought to do to stay true to myself, awaiting school to being my masters program, angry at the rest of the world for being happy, angry at myself for not doing better, angry at my twenties for not living up to my expectations.
I was inspired to start this blog through my anger, through my sadness, through my self-loathe and as pessimistic as it may start off, I hope to journal my thoughts through to healing, through to change, through to happiness.
To 2014 and 23, may I get up off my ass, stop feeling sorry for myself, and enact that change I so desire.
To my twenties, may I always remember to live, may I always remember to love, may I always remember to let go, may I always remember to let God!
20SomethingYearOldGirl…here’s to discovery.